the ballad of the cheshire cat

the cheshire cat was dead, i thought, or sleeping. i sat down on a rock, stared at the fat orange cat lying motionlessly on the ground, and took a drink of water. i extended my leg and prodded the cat with the toe of my shoe.

dead.

he's not my cat, i reminded myself.

i heaved a sigh and stood up, placing my hands on my hips, examining the house in front of me. it was a dilapidated trailer. did the people who live here kill the cat, or did it just wander here and die? or, did someone else kill the cat and leave it here for the people who lived in the trailer to find? i didn't have a clue, and i was frustrated with myself for having left my apartment for a mindless walk in the first place.

in any case, i decided, animal control should be contacted. deciding not to knock on the trailer, i walked over to the house on the corner of the road and knocked. i have this thing about talking to people i don't know, especially in an awkward situation like this, so waiting to see if somebody would answer the door seemed to take at least a full two minutes. i made myself breathe deeply the whole time. finally, the door was opened by an older man wearing a straw hat. "hello, can i help you."

i was direct. "is that your cat?" i gestured.

the man in the hat looked bewildered. "i'm sorry...?" he shrugged, grimaced slightly. his face was beet-red, as if he had been working out in the sun all day long.

"the cat over there," i motioned with my hand, "he's dead."

"dead," he said, his tone completely neutral. an old woman wearing garden gloves appeared behind the man in the hat, a sour look plastered to her face as she studied mine.

"dead," i repeated. my pits were sweating. i hated talking to strange people. why was this taking so long?

"can we help you?" the woman asked, the look of disgust on her face increasing.

this isn't burger king, i thought. i glanced over at the cheshire cat lying vacantly on the side of the road. he was still dead. "do you have a telephone?"

the old man and woman exchanged glances. he clicked his tongue and asked suspiciously, "do you need to make a call?"

"well," i began. here was the climax of our conversation, when my intentions would be fully revealed. i forced myself to go on. "i was thinking maybe you could call animal control and tell them about the cat." revelation.

i thought my request was pretty reasonable, but it was met with a duet of no's. an explanation followed. "we wouldn't dare call animal control," said the man.

"our neighbors have called them on us a number of times because of our dogs," the woman added. i looked sideways at an outdoor kennel made from light wood and chicken wire. two small dogs lay on a cracked concrete floor, next to a large water bowl. although the dogs didn't appear to be in distress, they didn't seem like the sort of dogs that would cause any great disturbance. in fact they hadn't even barked when i answered the door. why had the neighbors contacted animal control?

all at once the unpleasant old people seemed patently childish and uneducated. forcing myself to check the rolling of my eyes, i nodded as if in understanding, thanked them, and walked away.

twenty minutes later, i was in my apartment, smelling of sweat and dust. i picked up the phone and dialed the number for animal control while i poured myself a glass of cold grapefruit juice. they assured me they would retrieve the dead cat. why don't you check into the neighbors on the corner of the road -- yes, the neighbors with the two dogs, i wanted to add, but did not.

slipping the leash on my dog, i took her for a short walk, then jumped in the shower briefly to rinse off the dirt and sweat. the mirror above the sink was foggy when i stepped out, and i had to wipe it with a towel before i could check my face. what i saw startled me. i can't explain it, but something was changed, i no longer seemed to be me, or at least not the same person as i was the last time i looked in this mirror. to make matters worse, i was grinning nervously and uncontrollably from ear to ear.

later, i drove by the spot in the road where i had last seen the cheshire cat. he was gone. animal control had done their job.